He Wants A Wife But He’s Sleeping With 3 Women!

Love him to death. I have known Evan for over 15 years and we have been very close. Evan shares his stories with me to vent and to get a woman’s perspective on things.

He is intelligent in the sense that he is self-taught and aware of himself. He is aware of his flaws, his patterns and his downfalls. Unfortunately for him, he is still making the same mistakes but with different people. He may or may not realize it but in the moment, he is satisfied and tells himself he’s not hurting anyone and no one is hurting him. Let me explain.

Evan was in a toxic 14 year relationship with Jackie. Jackie the Joker he likes to refer to her. I presume it has to do with her being astrologically Gemini and her two-faced behaviors. I must give some background on some of the events of their 14 years. Jackie was in her early 30’s with a small child when they met. I believe her daughter Tara was 2 or 3 when Evan entered the picture. Over the years, Jackie married an African man for money so he can obtain a green card, tricked Evan into giving her money at a pharmacy where she proceeded to buy Plan B and took it behind his back, she was still in contact with her ex that was in jail in the beginning of their relationship, and cheated on Evan in front of his face with another man.

What would cause an apparently sane young man in his twenties to attract this type of woman and stay with her? That question is answered when you learn about his relationship with Cathy, his mother.

Fast forward to present day. Evan, 44, tells me often that he has matured and “fixed” all the broken parts of himself that allowed Jackie to manipulate him. He works out, eats healthily, meditates, plays video games, reads books, and challenges his mind with online debates in his Facebook Groups. He says he’s looking for his wife. He wants his wife to be conscientious, consistent, and accountable. He wants a healthy, active woman at any size that loves to feed her soul and her mind. A woman that shows affection from her gut would have to be in the top 3 qualities. She would also have to be sexually experienced and uninhibited. This woman would also have to make her feelings known to Evan in a way that he would get consumed by her love that he would leave all other women alone without question or doubt.

Evan just started working for the county and has a pretty good job. He started his career much later in life but he is on the right track in deed. There are reasons as to why he got serious about his career choices so late in life but that is another story.

There are three women in the picture at the moment. He has known all of these women for over 10 years. Tracey, 35, lives in the same county and is a single mother of a 7 year old daughter. She has been unemployed most of the last 5 years and living off the system, but apparently still a contender for wife status. Next, we have Regina 46, she is a sales professional and lives with her sister and her teenage son in a middle class neighborhood in another county. Last, we have Courtney, 42, lives in a neighboring state. Courtney is an interesting character because she is an active participant in the swing culture and has been for years.

One thing you may have assumed is that sexual relations is at the heart of all of these relationships. If you assumed that you would be correct. All of these relationships started as casual sex. He had casual sex with all of them for years and then began to communicate on a consistent basis turning into “boyfriend material”. I use the term “boyfriend material” because he has not pursued an actual relationship with any of these women. Instead he fulfills a boyfriend role in each women’s life. He texts each of them all day, he calls each of them daily, he is involved with their families ie. he has met mothers, sisters, kids and knows the drama contained within those relationships, he celebrates birthdays and holidays including exchanging gifts and he takes turns going on dates occasionally.

Here’s where I say huuh-What? It is my opinion that you cannot expect to find a wife, if you are behaving like a gigolo. Now his defense is always,

1. I am not in an official relationship with anyone.
2. I am not leading anyone on.
3. I am respectful of each woman.
4. I don’t rub anyone’s nose in the fact that I am dating other women, though the women don’t know about each other.
5. I am waiting to see who sweeps me off my feet, until then I am having fun.

While all of this is cool in his mind, there are several glaring flaws in this logic.

1. Just because you have not said the words, “will you be my girlfriend” does not absolve you from playing the part of their boyfriend. He has now consciously filled the role of their male companion and does all of the boyfriend duties including helping them move, attending parties together, and going on trips.
2. He feels that not saying the words gives him a cloak of protection that he isn’t misleading anyone. In fact, since he had been mistreated in the past and the whole truth was hidden from him in many situations, he knows better and should do better.
3. Just because you don’t slap a woman around and call her out of her name does not mean you are being respectful. You are consciously withholding the truth and sleeping with multiple women they are not aware of. He claims to use protection but if you engage in full fledged, reciprocal, unprotected oral sex then it all moot.
4. He never, and I mean never mentions any other woman’s existence to another woman. He has perfected the art of making each of these women feel that they are the only one.
5. How can you attract a wife if you are not behaving like a husband?

The last point is the most important to me. Womens intuition is a very real thing. Women have a sense when something is off. When you know someone well, you can pick up on micro changes in their attitude and mannerisms. Since he entertains these women at his home most of the time, I am certain that he doesn’t even notice that he leaves evidence of other women around. I have experienced this first hand because there was a time when he didn’t smoke anything. No weed. No cigarettes. No cigars. But when I would come over I would see random ashtrays left out. This may seem like a big nothing burger but Courtney is a weed smoker. I have seen weave hair on the floor, on the bed, feminine products laying around, women’s perfume and sprays, and even slippers. My radar is going off because of my personal relationship issues so I see these things a mile away. I make a joke of it when I visit probably because its triggering to my past experiences with losers. I say all that to say, I know it is possible that these women feel that he is distracted. They feel as if he has a number of options. There is a way that a man moves when you are one of many and there is a way that a man moves when you are his main focus. These women probably don’t feel he is pursuing them either. Everyone is just stagnant and content. He doesn’t motivate them to desire more nor does he get inspiration from them.

He has convinced himself that staying on this path is best. I feel like he is wasting his life. He is 44 years old, just starting his career and has no children. He desires a relationship. He desires children but isn’t doing anything proactive to attract the right relationship nor is he being proactive in cultivating the harem he already has.

What do you think?