He had a group of friends from childhood. There were about 4-6 very close guys that he hung out with often. All from the same projects. Romeo told me he was the leader in his friend group. I had no reason to doubt that because I have overheard many conversations where they would talk about going to the club or a party and Romeo would take a 4 hour nap or come with me shopping, then proceed to take 2 hours to get dressed, then text his boys that he is 5 minutes away when he’s standing in his underwear processing what pair of Italian sneakers go best with his new black Gucci jeans. He appeared to be the “party”. They would patiently wait for him to drive them to the destination and to accessorize their outfits based off the swag level Romeo brought that night. Romeo loved this envy. He loved to have more, wear it better, be the handsomest, most talented, appearance of more money. One of his closest friends Tramell or Mel as he’s known around the way, would always ask to borrow his outfits even if they weren’t laundered. Yikes. Romeo would always say no but when his clothes got old he would donate them to his friends and in turn they would be so grateful. This was the basis for all of his relationships. He needed people to focus on the fashion to complete the illusion because there was very little substance. See…my pain is bleeding into this story. Only the facts from now on. Clears throat. Exhales. Ok let’s get to it.
At this point in our relationship, Romeo was working at either a construction site or as a plumbers apprentice. I was happy that he was gainfully employed. He had his own car that I purchased for him. I’ve always been a generous soul. At the time I had no problems purchasing a car to help while you do the rest like stay out of trouble, visit your daughter, run errands, pay bills, and get to and from work. Because we both lived in the same town, there was no need for 2 EZ Pass accounts. EZ Pass is for certain highways, bridge and tunnel crossings. I’ve had an EZ Pass for years and only used it on rare occasions when I went out of town. Romeo would ask for my EZ Pass when he would go to the city to party and it was common for me to lend it to him. The charges were never outrageous and I was glad to help why? Because I was so happy he was gainfully employed. Stay focused, stay focused. Ok. Exhale.
Our relationship was a little bumpy at this point. No real arguing or confrontations, it was more discomfort of my end because I had a feeling in my gut and certain things just didn’t making sense. I didn’t make any changes in my relationship. I was just on high alert for the bullshit that was being lobbed my way. Everything, I mean everything got a side eye. But what kept me in this uncomfortable situation you ask? He was gainfully employed and was staying out of trouble. I want to express my excitement of Romeo being employed was not from a place of a gold digger. This excitement came from a place of being so happy that he is no longer a liability. Romeo created so many bills and so much debt that I was responsible for. Once he got on his feet, my goal was to keep him on his feet, spending and wasting his money instead of mine. Don’t judge me! I know this is a red flag.
When I’m on alert in a relationship, the first thing I do is review what my partner has access to. I never want to be in a position where someone can clean out a bank account or max out a credit card. During one bill paying session, I reviewed the charges on my EZ Pass account because the replenish amount went from $35 to $95. Most of us understand that EZ Pass adjusts your minimum replenishment amount based on your travel. I thought $60 more that comes automatically off your credit card, without your express permission, was excessive. I looked at my most recent statement. I see daily charges for a bridge crossing in another town. These daily charges don’t really make sense with the “truth” I am told. So I ask Romeo, “hey what’s all of these out of town charges”? First response was “what you mean babe”? I learned in hind sight that he didn’t realize that daily $2 tolls each way really add up at the end of the month. Romeo gave me a $50 bill out of his wallet and said my bad. I was impressed that this man that once was a complete and total liability is now paying his way…without argument or prompting? I’m impressed and a little proud.
Mel was one of his closest friends and they also had one of the most serious fights which resulted in an assault. Read this story for more on that. Mel and Romeo didn’t speak for months after the fight. Romeo stayed away from the projects because he heard through the grapevine that the cops were called and visited many apartments in the projects looking for more information and details. I’m not sure anyone spoke on the issues. You know how tight knit certain neighborhoods are. Through other friends in the group Romeo would get passed messages from Mel letting him know that he never spoke to the cops and he understands why the fight happened. Romeo’s heart began to soften and he was open to meeting with Mel with his other friends present of course. Apparently there was a conversation and the beef was squashed. I guess.
The stories Romeo would tell about his dealings with his homeboys would now include Mel again. I presumed all was well. Romeo told me he moved across town with his girlfriend to keep the heat and police attention of his assault away from his mothers apartment in the projects. Romeo respected this move and spoke of it often.
In the coming months, the EZ Pass bill stayed the same with these out of town charges. I asked again about the charges and Romeo began to hesitate in his responses and the repayment for these tolls were sparse at best. Romeo explained that he needed to keep Mel close to keep him quiet after the fight. He was infamous for talking about snitches and how guys do magic tricks when they go with the police for questioning. He would always ask, “how could 2 guys that committed the same crime get questioned by the police, where one is facing 10 years in jail and the other is getting a sandwich and soda at the corner store”? Magic Tricks man! I was aware of his hood sensitivity to snitches and two-faced behavior. When he explained that he was repairing his relationship with Mel because they have done a lot of dirt together, I thought the explanation was plausible. The apparent heart to heart along with the gainful employment was enough to keep me content… for a time.
The EZ Pass charges continued in the following 2 months and the repayments were replaced with excuses from losing his wallet to the alien landing in Roswell. At this point I had enough of the lack of repayment so I stopped the EZ Pass rendering it useless. He got annoyed one day and told me that I was very funny. I said “what do you mean”? He said I was rushing to work and I go to the toll plaza and I had to wait for them to give me a ticket. Initially for about 4 1/2 seconds, I felt badly that I caused him to be late to work…but then I remembered that we both live and work in the same town so there is no need to cross a bridge to get to work. I asked him why he needed to cross a bridge to get to work and without skipping a beat he told me that he picked up his daughter the night before to hang out with her and he was up until 1 am waiting or his daughters mother to come pick her up. Not only did his daughters mother not pick up her daughter, she was no longer answering her phone or returning text messages. Romeo said he was pissed. With no other options, he said he went from the projects to his daughters grandfathers house, in another town, where he dropped his daughter off and explained to the grandfather that her mother stopped responding and he needed his help because he had to go to work. The grandfather was more than understanding and kept his daughter safe while Romeo went to work. Rushing on the highway trying to make it on time, the EZ Pass games I played, exacerbated the problem and wasn’t necessary. At the time, I apologized…while standing my ground.
Did I mention that we were technically living together? Ok follow me. He was living in my home full time for about 3 years. During this time he had many jobs but didnt hold down anything for a significant amount of time. Once he started working for the construction site and when he became the plumbers apprentice, the long hours and the distance of his work location was closer to the project apartment and an unofficial agreement was made that he would stay at the project apartment on certain days to ease the commute and to be able to get more rest. This is why I emphasized the gainful employment because he was making more money than he ever had and was paying his way on a consistent basis which was a drastic change from the previous years. I was so happy not not pay the car note because Romeo lost his job that this arrangement didn’t seem so strange at the time. The time apart also lead to less arguing. I suppose I was focusing on the immediate reality of the moment instead of the reality of the relationship in its entity. I prioritized not being someone’s mother/bank over my relationship making sense.
To be continued…
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