As a follow up to my previous post He Wants A Wife But He’s Sleeping With 3 Women, Evan recently got dumped by Tracey! Here it goes.
Evan is in a perpetual state of thinking that all women have something to prove to him. He’s not narcissistic in a serial killer type of way but the roots of this lie squarely at the feet of his mother. He is looking for unconditional acceptance from women but they must display love, strong passion, intelligence, self awareness, woke-ness, generosity, and desire for public and private displays of affection. Evan wants to friend zone women for years then out of no where he expects their need to be in a relationship to cause them to overwhelmingly compel them to choose him and show that by sweeping him off his feet with over bearing, inconvenient, consuming love that he must submit to. (yes, the run on sentence was for dramatic effect)
Back to the title, now Evan was balancing 3 women for years Tracey 35, Regina 46, and Courtney 42. Tracey is the unemployed, welfare recipient with a 7 year old daughter that lives in the projects. No judgement. Side-eye. Evan spent the majority of his time with Tracey because they lived the closest and she had the most free time out of all of the women. I had to drag this out of him as well but he also coveted this relationship because she was the only one within healthy child bearing age.
Tracey was a school security guard over 10 years ago when they met. She lost that job under mysterious circumstances that she does not speak of. Its nothing like an inappropriate relationship with a student because there are no criminal charges surrounding leaving that job. If you ask me, I believe she was fired for something sill like lateness, attendance, got caught falsifying documents, or stealing time. Something administrative and not criminal. Anyway, this job is considered a good job in our town. Its not the best but its a good way to get your foot in the door with the county.
While between jobs Tracey got pregnant by another man. Tracey had an on again off again boyfriend that she was seeing in addition to Evan. In 2012, our town was ravaged by Hurricane Sandy. In the days leading up to the hurricane, Tracey spent some quality time with her ex and they rode out the storm together. The official story she gave Evan was that she got drunk and had a one night stand. Evan was devastated even though he was dating a number of women and never let Tracey know that he was really interested her. His twisted logic told him to keep all of his relationships causal and the best woman would rise to the top like cream without effort on his part. So much for that plan.
Once Tracey confirmed her pregnancy she was honest and told Evan. We don’t think she expected Evan to stick around so she made an outrageous request that Evan obliged to his determent. She asked Evan to stay in her life because her ex left her high and dry with the pregnancy and to keep sleeping with her because it will make her delivery easier. Evan, having esteem issues himself, took this request and turned it into desire and rubbed his wounds with it. He took this request very seriously and made it his business to be the best sex she’s ever had to force her to realize she chose to get pregnant by the wrong man.
When the baby arrives, Evan is still in Tracey’s life as her confidant. He speaks to her daily and they text all the time. He wanted to be the savior in their relationship. He wanted her to look up and praise him for not leaving while she was going through possible post partum depression. He would help her move and come to her roach infested apartment for sex. There wouldn’t be any help with her child per se. Tracey remained unemployed until her daughter was 2 years old. Then she got a job with the airport as a TSA agent. This is another pretty good job. She mysteriously lost this job in less than 2 years and has been unemployed ever since.
Evan didn’t mind though. He confided in me that she squirts and that is a huge ego boost for a guy that takes sexual pleasure and rubs it on his wounds first aid salve. His involvement with his women are mainly sexual, then comes conversation, a few Dutch dates, then perhaps a birthday gift exchange. Evan was content until “his” biological clock started ticking 3 years ago.
How could I ever forget. This was the summer when he broke down all this madness to me. As his friend, I was pretty much in the dark about the details of this relationship. My educated guess is that he only tells me about the relationships where he catches feelings. But what do I know. So the summer of 2017 Evan said that Tracey wanted to go on a date to the fair. She wanted to do things that boyfriends and girlfriends do. Evan agreed but he decided to as a pivotal question. He asked her if she was happy with the way things are. He then followed up with, “do you want more”? Of course she said she wanted more. Tracey had no idea the collision course she was on at that moment. I call this entrapment because Evan took her response of, “I want more” and told me and all his other friends that this is the basis from which he was waiting for her to show him her qualities and determine whether she was good enough to commit to. (yes, another run on sentence for effect because this is his exact mindset) He told us the story like this…”we went to the fair, we had a conversation about our relationship, she said she wanted more”. That’s not exactly the same. He manipulated her into answering the question in the affirmative but then proceeded to punish her because she didn’t show you what you wanted to see from someone that says they want more.
Hundreds of conversations about Tracey took place in the past 3 years. All of them with circular logic on his part. Every time I asked why didn’t he leave the relationship alone if he wasn’t happy he would say, “because she said she wanted more” or “I did her a favor by staying because she asked me to, so when do I get my repayment. No other dude would have stayed after you had a baby on him. But I did”!
I’m like dude you have to snap out of this. What is the hold on you? Why don’t you leave? Evan never admitted to falling in love with Tracey for fear that he would be judged for falling in love with a WOMAN THAT HAD A BABY ON YOU! He downplayed his involvement to purely sexual but then described her as a cold fish that wants to be taken. There is zero foreplay, they don’t kiss, they don’t tough or massage each other, there is one way oral sex and its from him to her. When he convinces her to do it to him, its like a chore, she’s not into it. I keep asking him what is keeping you in this relationship?? I never got a good answer to that question to this day. When I would press for an answer to why he was selling himself short or wasting his time, his defense mechanism is to say because he can sleep with her whenever he feels like it which was only once or twice a month tops. Weak.
There were many arguments in the past 3 years all about the same thing. Evan would beg and plead, while complaining that she doesn’t make time for him. He literally spent 3 years arguing with her about her not prioritizing him or their time together. He begged in the most arrogant, narcissistic way for them to spend quality time together and to go on dates. Tracey would always respond that she was broke and didn’t have a baby sitter. Evan was always frustrated with her excuses. She always found money for a new outfit to go to the club with her friends. She found a baby sitter for that! Begging ass! Their arguments would be tons of text essays from Evan trying to compel her to submit to his will by flawed logic. Their text arguments would go on for days with no resolution. I would ask how an argument got resolved and he would always say that it didn’t and they had sex. On to the next I guess. Ridiculous.
As a good friend, I would point out that this back and forth is a waste of time. I would ask him to analyze what he likes about her and is this feeling worth the benefit of her in your life? Is the sex that great for you to argue with her 14 days out of the month? Was the sex even good? Can you live with zero affection in your relationships? Do you want a woman that seems uninterested and conflicted? Can you love a woman that had a baby the way she did? The answer was no to everything yet he still never broke it off with her. This is the definition of settling. So why is he staying with her? I believe he equates quantity of time with quality of time. Evan definitely has this thing with knowing someone for 5, 10, or even 15 years before commitment. He has casual sex and uses that pleasure as fuel for esteem building. He wants all of his women to only deal with him while he sleeps with all of them without them knowing. Irresponsible.
So a few months ago during the quarantine, Tracey suggested that they stop having sex and just focus on dating and getting to know each other. Am I the only one that sees this as ass backwards? You’ve known each other for over 15 years, had casual sex for over 15 years, speak daily, and you want to GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER BY REMOVING SEX 15 YEARS IN?? This didn’t make any sense to me but it absolutely enraged Evan.
1. He felt like she was asking for what he’s been begging for for years. Since she suggested it, all of a sudden becomes a good idea?
2. He felt like she had no right to withhold sex. Her sex is sub-par anyway.
3. She was the one with the child out of wedlock. How dare she make demands on him?
4. Evan feels that he stayed with her after her child was born so SHE’S THE ONE THAT HAS TO APPEAL TO HIM!
I explained to Evan that he let this situation go on for so long that she lost interest. No woman wants to be friend zoned for a decade while you casually have sex with her for just as long. So now when she states she wants more now she has to jump through hoops likes she’s on the Bachelor? What happened to the equity she’s built over the years? Something kept him interested more than bad sex.
As you can see by the title of this post, she broke up with him by essentially not complying and she stopped putting in any effort at all. All communication ceased 100%. I had many conversations with Evan since and he says he’s not hurt, he doesn’t care, good riddance, and she wasted his time. You know the usual defensive statements.
Just 2 days ago ladies and gentlemen, he texted her and told her he misses her and offered to still be her friend. Tracey said that she missed him and being just friends was ok with her. She also said that she didn’t mind hanging out with him if the situation called for it. Evan agreed…then proceeded to ask Tracey if she’s communicating with him to be platonic friends or to get serious about a relationship? IS HE SERIOUS?? Tracey emphatically said that what they had was dead and they are strictly platonic now. Evan gets upset and has begun to text argue with her and even threatens me that he will ghost her soon. I think he has a toxic pattern, what do you think?
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